Over the last 4 months, I’ve been trying to feel better overall. And honestly, I have felt better than ever lately. I’ve been more productive, stronger, more fun, and just happier. But best of all, I feel so much joy in motherhood right now. I’m not saying that motherhood just all the sudden got easy. There are still hard days, and tough challenges. Even on the toughest days, I am able to have joy in the journey and see the good. I’ve felt more joy and peace, I yell less, I have more fun with my kids, and I am able to be a better wife, mom and friend.
This is a huge shift from where I was 6-8 months ago. And because I feel so much better, I feel like I need to share some tips with you that have helped me. Some of these tips might help right away, and some might take a few weeks before you notice a difference. But is there any harm in trying? Not really!
Alone Time
Getting some quiet, alone time is one of my top tips when I’m having an overwhelming or hard day as a mom. It’s easier said than done, especially is you don’t have anyone else that can take care of kid duties for you. But here are a few ways that I get some quiet, alone time.
- Ask! When my husband is home, and I need some time away, I just say “I need a break. I’ll be in the other room/taking a shower/running to the store/whatever.” That’s all. Luckily my husband understands that while I love our kids and I love being a mom, I also need space from mom duties regularly in order to be a better mom. You could also ask a friend or neighbor that you trust to help. They might not be able to help right away, but I promise that the people who love you want to help you. But if you don’t tell them that you need help, they’ll never know.
- Move to a different room. If I am really struggling and I don’t have my husband or a friend around who can take over, I separate myself from them. My kids rooms are very a safe place for them to be. I feel comfortable letting them play in their rooms without me while I go sit in my room to cool down. Definitely make sure you have secured furniture and kid proofed the rooms before you do this. But a quick, 5 minute cool down can work wonders.
- Quiet Time. This kind of goes along with the last one, but quiet time is the best time of my day. It’s my time to do what I want to do. It’s also usually the time that I get blog work done. My mom always made quiet time a huge priority when we were growing up. Which is probably how she survived raising 7 kids. My youngest child still naps in the afternoons, so during that time, my older two go to their room. They can play, read or nap. Whatever they do, they need to be quiet enough that they don’t disturb their brothers nap. If your kids aren’t used to quiet time, try to start small. Have them start with 15 minutes, and work your way up. And just like above, make sure their rooms are a safe place for them.
Fuel Your Body
Making sure I am putting good food in my body has definitely made me feel better overall. I have more energy, my body is stronger, I sleep better and my mind is more clear. All of that helps me have more fun and joy in motherhood!
Fueling your body properly will look different for you based on your body, medical needs, budget or priorities. For me, I try to avoid seed oils and prioritize getting plenty of good quality protein. For you it could be more vegetables, less soda, less sugar or more water.
Another thing I stopped putting in my body that made a HUGE difference was birth control pills. For me personally, I was having some terrible side effects that was really making it hard to see any joy in life at all. I could make a whole blog post on this, and all the things I learned. But in so many ways, getting off of birth control absolutely helped me find more joy in motherhood.
Get Away From Screens And Into Nature
Don’t flip out on me over this one, okay. Just hear me out. I know that throwing a show on the tv to keep the kids occupied or stop the fighting is so convenient. And there are days where I practically let Mickey Mouse babysit my kids.
However, the more I’ve read and learned about the effects of screens and social media on our brains, the less I want to turn on the tv for my kids. It’s nice to have some temporary relief, but I’ve noticed that my kids behavior is usually worse after watching tv or playing with their tablets. And for myself, I have noticed that I don’t feel my best after I’ve spent too much time scrolling social media.
The best thing for my kids is being out in nature. We don’t have a great backyard, but we’ve done the best we can to make it a fun place for our kids. Our driveway is long and perfect for bike and scooter races. There are even some yard work tasks that my kids like to help with. I try to give them as much free play as I can. So I will start an audio book and walk back and forth on the driveway, so I can still keep an eye on them, get some movement in and have some peace.
A great read on this topic is Balanced And Barefoot by Angela J Hanscom. I’ve talked about this book many times before, and I’ll probably tell you about it over and over until everyone has read it. This book talks about the benefits of spending time outside, and some of the side effects of too much screen time that doctors and teachers are seeing. It’s an amazing book and helped me take a hard look at what our family was prioritizing and how we were spending our time.
Daily Movement
Getting some daily movement of some kind is huge for me. This could be a walk, a workout or just playing with my kids.
Some days I really want to sit on the couch and read my book while the kids play. And it’s nice to relax. But I’ve found that I can be more productive and in a better move if I get a work out in and try to hit a step goal each day.
I have a whole post on my favorite workout programs for moms. I listed out the workout programs I have tried and loved over the years. Some take up to 90 minutes, but others will only take 20 minutes of your time. Do what you can with your schedule and abilities. Putting extra effort into moving my body each day has made me a better mom and wife in so many ways.
Maintain Friendships
Honestly, I am terrible at this. I try so hard. But ask my best friend, and she’ll tell you that it takes me at least 3 days to text her back always. It’s not that I don’t care or I don’t love talking to her. But somedays are just packed.
All that said, I feel better when I am putting in the work to maintain friendships. Humans are very social. We need interaction. And while I am interacting with my kids and husband during the day, I need to talk to someone outside my usual bubble. I feel so much more joy in my day after socializing with others. It’s just fun to have a conversation that doesn’t involve barbies or fruit snacks.
I’ve found that connecting with my friends on Marco Polo works best for me, because I can record a message while I’m doing my hair or while putting away groceries. And it feels nice to actually talk out loud and see my friends faces.
If you are struggling with making friends as a mom, I’ve got you! I wrote a post a few weeks back about making friends as a mom (because it can be real weird to make friends after motherhood).
If you haven’t noticed from my list, the best way to find more joy in motherhood is by taking care of yourself. Be mindful of what your needs are, and start making your needs a priority. Let me know what works for you down in the comments, OR what you’re going to try!
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